One thing about being a SPURMO, if you have an affair the girl can’t then call your wife. She can call your girlfriend, which can lead to painful, sad, angry conversations. But it can never lead to your being dragged through the courts and half of your everything being stripped away from you forever.
How can professional, high profile married athletes think that the bimbos they shag won’t sell the story? A footballer has been caught cheating on his wife again. Surely the more shocking story would be ‘Footballer Doesn’t Cheat on Wife’. You have to feel sorry for them though. Footballers aren’t the sharpest tools in tools in the box, but I’m sure they do their best to protect themselves.
INT. HOTEL – NIGHT
ASHLEY COLE, millionaire left back for Chelsea Football Club and husband to Cheryl Tweedy from popular singing group Girls Aloud, romps in bed with BROOKE, 23, glamour model. Ashley suddenly stops…
BROOKE: What?
ASHLEY: This will stay just between us, right?
BROOKE: Yeah, babe. Of course.
ASHLEY: Oh, good.
BROOKE: Don’t worry. Your wife will never find out.
ASHLEY: Wife? Who said anything about a wife?
BROOKE: Well, you are married, aren’t you?
ASHLEY: How the bleedin’ hell did you know that?
BROOKE: You sold your wedding pictures to Hello magazine.
ASHLEY: Oh yeah.
BROOKE: Cheryl doesn’t approve of your affairs?
ASHLEY: She and I have an arrangement.
BROOKE: What’s that?
ASHLEY: An arrangement? It’s like a contract between two parties.
BROOKE: I know what an arrangement is. I meant, what is your arrangement with Cheryl?
ASHLEY: Oh. Right. The deal is I can sleep with other women as long as she never finds out.
BROOKE: And she’s OK with that?
ASHLEY: She doesn’t know. So you won’t tell anyone about this, will you?
BROOKE: Absolutely not, babe.
ASHLEY: Promise?
BROOKE: Of course.
ASHLEY: Cross your heart and hope to die?
She crosses her heart.
ASHLEY: Seriously, you can’t tell anyone.
Brooke mimes zipping her mouth shut and locking the corner of her lips.
ASHLEY: Now throw the key away.
BROOKE: Of course.
She mimes throws the key away. Ashley is visibly relieved.
ASHLEY: Thanks babe.
Her phone starts ringing on the bedside table. Ashley grabs it. Looks at the screen: Sun.
ASHLEY: You lying bitch!
BROOKE: What?
ASHLEY: You said you didn’t have any kids.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Whaha. Lovely Man.